Aaron Hawks asked me to write something for his new book DIRTY GIRLS which is not yet published. I have loved being his muse over many many years and modeling for him so I am excited about this project. I thought I would share the writing with you. To evoke emotion is to have a consciousness of what I am doing in front of the camera to behave inappropriately and to know you are looking. To be captured is to feel and know I am in this moment; a moment of explicit raw emotion and to have it documented is to know you will see me. You will know my darkest secrets for I am an exhibitionist, a cruel sadist, and an emotional masochist. I have desires and my only wish is to play them out. It is all about empowerment, a pure form of creativity and expression that is un-inhibited, it is not posed it is a natural way of being. It is living fantasy, it is my reality, it is me in that glorious moment. You are the voyeur and I know you are watching me and this makes me smile for I know I am provoking you and I psychologically get off on that. I have an inherit need to know that I am something you in your subconscious want, desire or despise. Somehow wanting has this romantic quality to become lust to become your filthy fantasy to be beautiful, of pure essence only to deteriorate after living this life of kink and debauchery. I relish in knowing I am filth, I am exquisite beauty, I am disgusting, I am more powerful than you can even imagine. I have died only to be resurrected in order to become the unattainable woman an icon. I am fetish object. I am a cliché I love to see and experience another’s suffering. I am in love with the idea of love but sex is something different. Filthy dirty rough sex is the best kind of sex. Feeling overly obsessive wishing and wanting to be possessed by another only to experience a kind of poetic fast crimson fever to discover what I hate about myself and to live it out. A life of abstinence, struggle over my sexuality, questioning myself and denying others who desire is to have sex, to penetrate me. Experimental strap on dick wearing gender fuck a kind of role reversal just striving to achieve female supremacy. To be defined as a dominatrix only to be perceived as vulnerable then to be judged and to feel ashamed or to transform into woman a true woman’s form. To identify with what it means to have feelings of envy and to fuck or be fucked. To want and can’t have. I am the product of unrequited love, religion, death, and rebirth. Oh to abhor you to resent you to debase you and to hurt you it is gratifying and vise verse. The overly graphic exploitation of the grotesque filthy bitch it is like a kaleidoscope of imagery meant to provoke you. It tells a story. It is a fiction, a fairytale and one without a happy ending. There are negative and positive attributes to being kinky there are many sides to a coin. Emotional currency spends well to know what gets you off to understand the psychology because the brain is our greatest sex organ. To play within particular parameters to be able to manifest sex magic in order to reach states of catharsis that are beyond orgasm. Once innocent now my only desire is being used to experience sex. Sex, filthy dirty secrets in obvious provocative poses and one look. Seduction is powerful and to play the game and its evolution is irrelevant. A neurotic, narcissistic never, never land. To become the Madonna to become the whore to be the mother; she is no virgin. She knows her own power is her sex. Your hard on is the insurance policy, your guilt, your pathetic passive aggressive ploys. You want for nothing. Tell me everything. She is willing to choke on her own tears. Willing to swallow her own fears. To have you destroy her self-esteem, permission to abuse her to destroy her love for you to crush those wonderful feelings of love and at her core it is not relevant only her sex is relevant and she is to be objectified. To know you is to know that you value nothing about her, I am nothing but a sex toy and this is not meaningful at all it is just a photograph translated. Mistreatment it is ugly or is it? Could it be perceived as something wonderful? Ritualistic abusive pathological psychotic behavior that is just blatantly obvious who cares? A form of resentment and what if I were to deny you, to reject you, to abhor you, to despise you, to hate you, I do I do I do. I am not interested in being polite, poised or perfect. I want to be raunchy, I don’t want to care, and I don’t care anymore. Exposure to be met with uncertain scrutiny, I am pretentious I am no longer an innocent but an intellectual which is also ill relevant because I am poor. I am not special I wish to become a spectacle, a monster, a beautiful facsimile. I am considered to be true female form, sweet sadist, masochist, fetishist, bitch, sleazy uninhibited egomaniacal, livid, lucid, trashy cunt. I have issues, abandonment issues, I was raped, I am bi-polar, and I am too skinny. Some people make these assumptions about me none of them are equivalent to the truth. I lie to myself and I lie to you but this image of me is living proof it is documentation it is factual.

Aaron Hawks asked me to write something for his new book DIRTY GIRLS which is not yet published. I have loved being his muse over many many years and modeling for him so I am excited about this project. I thought I would share the writing with you.

To evoke emotion is to have a consciousness of what I am doing in front of the camera to behave inappropriately and to know you are looking.

To be captured is to feel and know I am in this moment; a moment of explicit raw emotion and to have it documented is to know you will see me. You will know my darkest secrets for I am an exhibitionist, a cruel sadist, and an emotional masochist. I have desires and my only wish is to play them out. It is all about empowerment, a pure form of creativity and expression that is un-inhibited, it is not posed it is a natural way of being. It is living fantasy, it is my reality, it is me in that glorious moment.

You are the voyeur and I know you are watching me and this makes me smile for I know I am provoking you and I psychologically get off on that. I have an inherit need to know that I am something you in your subconscious want, desire or despise.

Somehow wanting has this romantic quality to become lust to become your filthy fantasy to be beautiful, of pure essence only to deteriorate after living this life of kink and debauchery. I relish in knowing I am filth, I am exquisite beauty, I am disgusting, I am more powerful than you can even imagine. I have died only to be resurrected in order to become the unattainable woman an icon.

I am fetish object. I am a cliché

I love to see and experience another’s suffering. I am in love with the idea of love but sex is something different. Filthy dirty rough sex is the best kind of sex.

Feeling overly obsessive wishing and wanting to be possessed by another only to experience a kind of poetic fast crimson fever to discover what I hate about myself and to live it out. A life of abstinence, struggle over my sexuality, questioning myself and denying others who desire is to have sex, to penetrate me. Experimental strap on dick wearing gender fuck a kind of role reversal just striving to achieve female supremacy. To be defined as a dominatrix only to be perceived as vulnerable then to be judged and to feel ashamed or to transform into woman a true woman’s form. To identify with what it means to have feelings of envy and to fuck or be fucked. To want and can’t have. I am the product of unrequited love, religion, death, and rebirth. Oh to abhor you to resent you to debase you and to hurt you it is gratifying and vise verse.

The overly graphic exploitation of the grotesque filthy bitch it is like a kaleidoscope of imagery meant to provoke you. It tells a story. It is a fiction, a fairytale and one without a happy ending.

There are negative and positive attributes to being kinky there are many sides to a coin. Emotional currency spends well to know what gets you off to understand the psychology because the brain is our greatest sex organ. To play within particular parameters to be able to manifest sex magic in order to reach states of catharsis that are beyond orgasm. Once innocent now my only desire is being used to experience sex. Sex, filthy dirty secrets in obvious provocative poses and one look. Seduction is powerful and to play the game and its evolution is irrelevant. A neurotic, narcissistic never, never land.

To become the Madonna to become the whore to be the mother; she is no virgin. She knows her own power is her sex. Your hard on is the insurance policy, your guilt, your pathetic passive aggressive ploys. You want for nothing. Tell me everything. She is willing to choke on her own tears. Willing to swallow her own fears. To have you destroy her self-esteem, permission to abuse her to destroy her love for you to crush those wonderful feelings of love and at her core it is not relevant only her sex is relevant and she is to be objectified.

To know you is to know that you value nothing about her, I am nothing but a sex toy and this is not meaningful at all it is just a photograph translated. Mistreatment it is ugly or is it? Could it be perceived as something wonderful? Ritualistic abusive pathological psychotic behavior that is just blatantly obvious who cares? A form of resentment and what if I were to deny you, to reject you, to abhor you, to despise you, to hate you, I do I do I do.

I am not interested in being polite, poised or perfect. I want to be raunchy, I don’t want to care, and I don’t care anymore. Exposure to be met with uncertain scrutiny, I am pretentious I am no longer an innocent but an intellectual which is also ill relevant because I am poor.

I am not special I wish to become a spectacle, a monster, a beautiful facsimile. I am considered to be true female form, sweet sadist, masochist, fetishist, bitch, sleazy uninhibited egomaniacal, livid, lucid, trashy cunt. I have issues, abandonment issues, I was raped, I am bi-polar, and I am too skinny. Some people make these assumptions about me none of them are equivalent to the truth. I lie to myself and I lie to you but this image of me is living proof it is documentation it is factual.

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